The Lifting Haze

“Nearly everyone has had a box of secret pain, shared with no one.” - John Steinbeck

There are times when the haze is starting to lift, creating these temporary moments of clarity that assault your thoughts and send you on a whirlwind mission to right all the wrongs and smooth all the rough edges. Spring cleaning of the mind, is what I am sure an optimist would see these times as. On the other hand, a pessimist will likely see it as just another thing to be dealt with, just another bother. Bah humbug! 

I'm neither an optimist or a pessimist, but I don't know that calling myself a realist would be accurate either. For me, I realize that the lifting haze is uncovering things/feelings/emotions/truths that I had subconsciously hidden away. Things I knew bothered me, but I pushed them to the furthest corner of the attic in my brain, in order to please another. Most likely because dealing with it would cause an otherwise seemingly happy part of my life to become unpleasant, if even for a short time. For me, my happiness isn't as important as everyone else's, so I sacrifice my own for them. 

Sadly, the haze eventually lifts and those moments of clarity remind you that you are hurting, that your feelings on certain issues just didn't matter enough to count, and that your thoughts on the matter were so easily cast aside. You both let it happen and did it to yourself. Those moments of clarity always happen, and each time you lose one more piece of yourself to someone else's want/need/will. 

So this time, as the haze lifts and things once more become clear, make the effort to stop bottling up who you are, what you think, and how you feel. Let go of the fear that if you are yourself and you don't give in to everyone else's needs/wants/will that they'll love you less or leave you. If they do, they were not worth your time anyway. Be yourself and in doing so, give yourself the emotional happiness you deserve. Everyone deserves. Be an optimist and let the spring cleaning of the mind, heart, and soul begin!